“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”
A quote we’ve all heard and probably said more than once. It wasn’t until recently that I stopped to truly consider what it meant. We all go through and experience trials and situations that sometimes have a lasting effect on us and while in the middle of them, they don’t look so beautiful..
I have titled my current season, “The Infant Blues”. It feels like once I found out I was pregnant, my life slowly started to come to a halt. As soon as I gave birth, that slow halt became a full stop. Everything I knew and loved about my life had mysteriously disappeared, and I was left with only memories of what used to be.
I am grateful for the new life that I now have with my husband and daughter. It is something that I never really envisioned for myself, but glad I get the chance to experience. With that being said, I am miserable… and I have no shame in saying that. Aside from being tired all of the time, it feels like my life is standing still while I’m watching everyone else that I know and love move on. I was not prepared for the drastic shift every aspect of my life had taken.
One or two years ago I saw someone ask moms on social media if they ever took the time to mourn the life they had prior to having children. This question hit me like a ton of bricks, and I wasn’t even pregnant yet! What I’ve learned is that nothing prepares you for the changes that having a child will bring. To be completely honest, I am still in the thick of my mourning period. At this point in my journey I don’t have any advice. I am currently trying some different approaches and seeing what helps… Including therapy. More on that to come.
The point of this post is to let you know that however you feel, it’s valid. There seems to be this misconception that having children automatically brings about indescribable joy and happiness, and if it doesn’t you did something wrong or something is wrong with you. Big life transitions are tough no matter what, but add in a newborn and ever shifting hormones? That combination can cause any number of responses. All I will suggest is to make sure you monitor your feelings and know when you need to reach out for help either from friends and family, or a licensed professional. Just as I mentioned, I have no shame in saying how miserable I am, but I also have no shame in saying that the place I am in requires the listening ear and expertise of a therapist.
I truly believe we all can make it on the other side of these feelings. But I also know that true healing and restoration first comes with acknowledgement.